The top 10 everyday niggles and passion-killers:
1. Weight gain/lack of exercise, 13 per cent
2. Money & Spend thriftiness, 11 per cent
3. Anti-social working hours, 10 per cent
4. Hygiene issues (personal cleanliness), 9 per cent
5. In-Laws/extended family – too much/too little, 9 per cent
6. Lack of romance (sex, treats etc.), 8 per cent
7. Alcohol – drinking too much,7 per cent
8. Snoring & anti-social bedtime habits, 6 per cent
9. Lapsed fashion-Same old underwear/clothes, 4 per cent
10. Bathroom habits – Stray nail cuttings etc…, 4 per cent
Antsy people! I smiled at the irony of the words – human beings described as insects. But if surveys are that reliable, this one tops the list of our “antsiness”. If we are to believe Malcolm Gladwell’s tipping point arguments , then we can say the top 10 listed above are really little things that annoy us day by day and kaboom! before we know it, they have zapped the life out of our marriages!
Tipping point in marriages at the 36th month is not an entirely new idea, if you ask me. We always have that “honeymoon” period of 3 years (or 36 months) – remember your 1st job? The excitement you had in the first several months then you realize you weren’t fit for the job after your 3rd yr with the same company (so off you hopped to another one)? The adrenaline rush driving a brand-new car then realizing you need another one after it’s 3rd yr anniversary? Or in old-school business terms – getting your ROI (payback period) after 3 yrs – when it hits there and it’s not earning, might as well forget it? Well, that’ s what conventional wisdom matched with quantitative analysis and other scientific measurements will tell you.
For us? well, we’re on our 11th year of marriage and we do not gauge our union by earthly standards. While it is true that boredom kills, including marriages, we continue to spice up the romantic feeling – like saying “I love you” to each other everyday, him treating me to a dinner date, texting love notes , etc, I have come to accept the fact that I love my spouse with all his imperfections. To say that requires a perfect God to bless an otherwise imperfect marriage. 36 or 84 months? Nah, it doesn’t matter really.